Ballet exam was terrible.The examiner smiled alot to us though.I think it's because the younger kids before us were so cheery and bubbly they made her very happy.But so what if she smiled right.She kept giving me the "why are u looking at me.is it because u feel insecure and need reassurance"face.like wth lah, i was trying to perform for u so naturally i wanted to have eye contact with u and after a few of such encounters i even started to doubt myself.Was i really trying to get reassurance or what.I made alot of mistakes too,mostly on timing.We normally practise with tape but exam is with the piano and the pianist had such weird timings today.Parts which were meant to be slow were super fast and parts meant to be slower were super fast.Basically it was very screwed.oh ya and not forgetting what my other ballet teacher told my grp.She said we were putting on weight and imagine if we had to wear a short tutu(??).Whatever lah,i've alr tried so hard and even had like eating disorder but i guess it's just not enough.Maybe i shd just be a loser and give up the only thing that kept me going for the past decade.Maybe i shd just stop dancing.
Anw got to hear something i didn't really want to hear today but at least i'm happy that i finally know.I really hate myself for being so stuboorn and resistant to change.I can only blame myseif for getting into this crap.I don't want any pity, i just hope that i can find someone to talk to and keep me company to take my mind off things.Perhaps this is even too much to ask for.I've also finally understood the meaning of ugly.It's when u have neither looks nor character and have not contributed anything to society or done anything for ur friends.
