Saturday, May 05, 2007
- 1:52 AM
I'M BACK!it's really not that i dont want to blog but some divine power is against me blogging!i had this really long entry 2 saturdays ago but my house blacked out cause of the lightning.strange how the world works uh.i'm going to give up on trying to say what happened to me in the past 4 months cause i'll not know where to start and i'll probabaly give up halfway.
went out with claire and xinyu today.people with the same frequency as me!haha dont even try to deny that.had a really meaningful and serious conversation with them.the solemn kind.haha that's rubbish!how can we ever get serious when we're together.it was really just a girls/bimbotic/a little bitching/alot of sharing and catching up kind of talk. and we all had our embarrassing moments.claire was trying to transfer the chilli sauce from one saucer to another using a straw and xinyu was trying very hard to cover up for "the cousin(claire)" and the sister(me)".
from what we discussed today, i concluded that guys are complex beings.
and it is always better to find someone who likes you more or at least to the same degree.
"love is selfish"
i think it's selfish not only because you dont want to share your partner with someone else but it's also selfish cause it's painful to get hurt over and over again so after awhile, you'll start to learn how to protect yourself.i dont know how true it is though.
stopped by j8 with claire after that and she had to remind me about my past.how amateur i was and how i ran away from so many things and someone last time.i dont know how i was so totally defeated in jc.the confidence level i had dropped to an all time low and i started to do stupid things.who goes all the way to the other end of small sunny island singapore to support a game and not even say hi before leaving.it was the same every single time.kinda retarded right.there wasnt much logic in the foolish things i did.now when i have time to actually look at things from a different perspective,i think i was damn irritating.it's so difficult for someone who has a substantial amount of ego to understand why someone with a low ego handle certain situations the way he does.like how he rather stay in the background and watch from afar becasue he despises himself and thinks that he's not good enough and worth cashew nuts (cashew nuts are more expensive than peanuts so they're for people with slightly higher egos).it's really tiring to try to pull someone out from his darkness and therefore it gets annoying.depression somehow clouds your thinking and prevents you from analysing things rationally.but then it's so hard to snap out of it.soon, you'll start blaming yourself for all the unhappiness in your life.like what i did.ignorance is bliss cause it really sucks to start thinking that someone likes you only because u like him or her first.
whatever it is, i'm done with that chapter of my life and a brand new one started on a brand new year.Dont cling onto the past.but i think a person's past is what shapes him so every experience is a learning journey.retain the good and improve on the flaws.but for me,ONE heartbreak is enough.haha too many i cannot handle.
okay enough of the gloomy entry.it's 3am now.i cant help but feel a little more emotional than usual.well a few photos to perk you up!or rather perk me up.
justin's 19th.
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3rd month.
one of the few spastic photos of people in general =p
my mum.and she's 60 (according to the Chinese calendar)
my sis who looks younger than me.LOOKS.
i've not many photos.i've uploaded most of the decent looking ones on friendster already.those that dont make me look like someone from venus.but men are from mars and women from venus.that means i'm normal right!
i always thought i was emotionally independent.one of those quite extreme cases but after these four months, i realised that maybe i dont know myself that well.i do things that i never thought i would.i can put myself in the shoes of others better now and i have these sudden surge of emotions occasionally.i've been doing quite alot of ot too and have i ever mentioned that i love the night and i particulary enjoy working at night when the office is quiet and everything.my colleagues think i'm weird.nothing wrong being an owl right!well justin is in camp.field camp.i've to wait till next fri or sat for his bookout.ot will be my temporary best friend.
anyway bye curly hair and welcome back straight hair.please let me finish my nus write-up by tomorrow so i can go rebond my hair on sunday!i used to think that rebond was supposed to be reborn.not bad ah.grow new hair!anyway yea i applied for 3 unis and i had/have to go for 3 interviews.i totally used up my 2 days paid levave for the interviews.how horrible.and i also took 2 days mc in like less than 2 wks ago.
I AM FREAKING TIRED...
and i dont think anyone will read my blog cause it's been rotting for so looooooong......not a bad thing either.